She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
