i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
