hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She bit a glass in half.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
