Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
