I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
