You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
