Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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