she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
