My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Randomize
