I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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