Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
