Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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