Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
