My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
