I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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