Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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