Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
