my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
