Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
