Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
being pregnant is like rehab
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
