Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
