oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
