I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
