I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
