Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
