So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
