it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
