I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
