Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
