Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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