I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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