is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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