YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
