omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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