You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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