I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
