Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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