So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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