he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
