Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
