What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
