Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
