I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
