the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
