good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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