Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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