Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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