He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
