I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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