the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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